Chapter 11 or When things don’t go my way

So if you remember, I decided to become a doctor at 31. This decision involves so many transformations, I cannot believe it myself. One of which has to do with me, a grown-up woman, being an apprentice in a surgery, owned by my teenager crush. Despite all the avoidance plans, here he is… calling my name.

“Olivia?” He repeats.

The first time he said it, I was not entirely sure he really meant it, which is stupid when you think about it, but I am on my “stupidest mode” at the moment. And no I am not ashamed, because I had a gut feeling that things will not continue to go down well. So I look up to him, concentrating on his eyes.

I read that fixating someone’s eyes is the perfect strategy to stay in the present and therefore prevent a wave of tumultuous thoughts invading the shores of my mind.

“Can I see you?” He asks.

“Why?” I genuinely respond. He stops for a second, surprised at the question. After all, he is the boss of this surgery, so if he wants to see an “employee”, he is entitled to. What am I thinking?

“Dr Keeghan is away, so you’ll be working with me from now on. I am taking over his patients.” He explains.

See? I told you things will not be going my way anymore.

It started as soon as I opened my eyes this morning. I didn’t hear the alarm (or I just probably forgot to put it as it is Saturday), so I finally emerged late. Impossible to find my comfortable pair of black shoes and I have been wearing them since the beginning of this apprenticeship. I reverted back to put on high heels that made no sense, as I would stand for most of the day. Finally, my train station was closed due to a technical failure. What does that even mean?

And now this! Seriously? I can see you grinning, thinking “Olivia, just get over it.” And I swear to you, I really try, but there is something about him that just puts me on an edge.

“What do you mean?” As if his explanations were not crystal clear enough.

When things don’t go my way, I notice three things happen

• I asked stupid questions

As I am still processing the information that do not fit the plan… at all.

• I curse the universe

I obviously must blame someone else than me.

• I settle down and work out a strategy of avoidance

“Perhaps you should assign me to another surgeon, I know you are busy with your patients and the business. I would not want to add extra burden on your shoulders.”

Isn’t it a nice way to avoid future awkward moments between him and me?

My strategy of avoidance is always based on truth. Lucas is also a business man; he doesn’t have time for an apprentice.

He tilts his head, while rolling up his eyes. I can tell he didn’t consider this option. He tilts his head straight back.

“Don’t worry about it, Olivia. It’s the least I can do for your brother.”

Why does Lucas have to be so considerate of his friendship with my brother?

• I resign myself to the change

OK, now what? Should I just throw a tantrum and cry my eyes out? Nope, I am not four years old anymore. I need to accept the new situation and make the most of it.

At the end of the day, I am here to become a doctor, not his lover.

“Thanks Lucas”

He sends a killer smile.